Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize