I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
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You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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