You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize