You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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