First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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