shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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