i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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