So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't deserve a penis
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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