theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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