she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize