why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
time to smoke my breakfast
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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