What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize