I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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