I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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