This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Two words: blizzard sex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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