Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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