I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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