I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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