I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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