I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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