Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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