My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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