So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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