I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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