My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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