lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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