so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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