Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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