idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
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Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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