3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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