I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize