I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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