He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
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You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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