I'm lost and stupid without you.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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