Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i think we sleep fucked last night...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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