Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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