I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize