I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize