Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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