my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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