Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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