I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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