I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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