If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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