Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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