It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My bed smells like the plague
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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