it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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