I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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