Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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