Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize